Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Leykis 101

  1. NEVER, and I mean EVER...date a single mother or father
  2. Follow the "three strikes and your out" rule. Which means if she hasn't put out in the first three dates, dump the bitch.
  3. Never pick up your phone Friday through Sunday. Screen all of your phone calls
  4. No cuddling after sex. You kick their ass out in time for Sportscenter
  5. Always wear a condom. Even if she is on birth control. No exceptions
  6. Never spend more than $40 on a date. And if she pays, all the better
  7. Pick out the women with the lowest self esteem. The lower the better. Beautiful women normally have a very low self esteem
  8. Get in touch with your "inner A-hole". Women are drawn to assholes. If your a nice guy (pussy), you won't get laid. She'll categorize you as her "friend"
  9. Women are attention whores and will do almost anything to get it. So keep that in mind when you see some woman dressed to kill
  10. never have coffee or lunch with a woman unless you want to be "friends". Women have dinner with the men that they bang, not lunch or coffee.
  11. Women, you have no male friends. Every male you call a friend wants to bang the living fuck out of you. If you don't believe me, then as a test...tell any one of your male friends that you want to sleep with them and see if they turn you down
  12. Stay away from any women who says the words "All my friends are guys". That is trouble and should be avoided at all costs
  13. If the person you are dating stops putting out, Dump that bitch
  14. Men, the reason why you are friends with a woman with the exception of having a past relationship with her...is that she doesn't find you attractive. The truth hurts. Move on
  15. Men, the more confidence you show the better chances you have of getting the girl. Women smell a pussy a mile away and they can also smell confidence. Women are attracted to confidence almost more than anything else
  16. Don't ever tell a woman you love her unless you really do. Don't do it especially just to get in her pants. The consequences are many and get you in to big trouble
  17. If your girlfriend is spending a lot of time with a "friend" of the opposite sex, dump that bitch
  18. Do not get married until you are at least 25 years of age
  19. Do not buy her flowers until the second year you are married
  20. Don't do anything in the beginning of the relationship you wouldn't normally do later in the relationship. Because her expectations of anything you do for her will cause you problems later
  21. Never hold her purse. Unless you are a pussy or have a pussy, you shouldn't be holding a purse
  22. Always become unavailable during the holidays. Never pick up the phone close to holiday seasons. Especially Valentine's Day or Thanksgiving
  23. Do not go to a concert with a woman if she invites you. Especially if she has backstage passes or has a friend in the band she is going to see. It just means she is there to fuck the other guy. She probably just used you for the ride there
  24. Never buy a woman a drink. It's just another way of a woman getting something she wants for free while the man thinks she's interested in him (applies outside of relationships)
  25. Eat before you go out on a date. Purpose is that a woman normally wouldn't be caught dead eating more than her date. So this results in a lower costing date by the end of the evening. You tell her that you are trying to eat healthy
  26. Do not order a bottle of wine. And the reason you don't when she asks is because you want to make sure you get her home safely. And to ensure this to the best of your ability, you don't want to drink any alcohol.
  27. If your date picks up their cell phone, silently get up and drive off without them. If they wouldn't give you the lack of respect to pay attention to you on the date, you don't give them the respect of driving them home
  28. This came from listener comments, so here it is. Keep a bottle of hot sauce Every place you have sex (Bathroom, bedroom etc.) After you use the condom, put a few drops into the used condom and throw it away. This results in the "Burning of the cooch" if the bitch tries to actually use the contents.
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